Manners

"Decorum doesn't mean the color of the walls."

-- this website from a Catholic school in Hawaii

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I've just received word that in a little over a week, I am to teach a theatre-based workshop on how and why manners matter. That's why I'm sitting here with the gigantic workshop binder on my lap, poring over three versions of the workshop that have been developed by other teaching artists (it's really just two versions, but there's an extra copy that looks nicer and contains no typos).

It's never too early to prepare for anything, so I'm starting today, and not just because I recently watched Penn & Teller's "Bullshit: Manners" episode.

And also not just because when I was in high school, I asked my parents for $25 so I could attend a manners seminar taught by the local (self-proclaimed) Miss Manners. We learned how to hold a water glass, put a napkin on one's lap, progress through an array of forks, and spoon soup away from you so that any spills land in the bowl...along with a lot of other things that I rarely remember...or need to remember. We were told that obeying these basic rules would help us get better jobs and retain better company. Whatever.

What I really want to avoid with my version of this workshop, frankly, is being snootier-than-thou and nitpicky with the kids.

And so...to the binder.

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And to the Internet:

I searched for "manners kids games"and found a plethora of snooty websites with snooty manners activities contrived in the minds of snooty snoots.

- A surprising number required the use of a large poster board turned into a sort of game board. Each child is assigned a game piece, and every time they exhibit good manners, their piece advances. (This game can take weeks in a single classroom. Nope.)

- Several groups suggest creating a song or poem to emphasize the goodness of good manners. I just really, really, really don't like that idea. It seems to me like lyrical brainwashing. (Ironically, the binder versions also suggest teaching a song. We'll see.)

- One listserv actually contained this pithy suggestion: "lets look what elmo has to say [sic]."

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Throughout this whole thing, the main thought in my head has been, Make it your own. If you were a first-thru-third grader sitting through a manners workshop taught by a funny-looking short guy, what kinds of activities would you find fun? What sorts of games would make you think that manners weren't just a load of crap?

And above all: How can I make this a theatre workshop, not a manners lecture?

Interestingly, in the binder there is the description of a game that is a variation on the improv game, "What are you doing?" The main difference is that the conversation between participants is decidedly polite conversation.

Another idea: bring along a pair of hats and props and have two kids act out a scene in which they "play" people with good or bad manners. This could be hilarious and it would also give the kids an opportunity to own the activity. (Not only that, but it would take up a decent chunk of time.)

And the final idea: take the good ol' Honey Walk activity, except that every time you encounter someone, you have to greet them politely. Polite to the extreme.

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I hate to sound patronizing, especially with a topic like manners, but I really do think that the best way to teach kids a concept is to have as much fun with it as possible. To stop yourself from taking it too seriously. Too often, we as adults think too abstractly about end results and integrity of purpose, and we forget what it's like in the classroom, in the workshop, in front of the kids, when a theoretically sound game in practice falls flat. When you see those eyes roll, or worse, stay blank and confused. When the awkward silence hits and a child cowers with dumbed-down stage fright. When you realize all your snooty brainstorming is coming to nothing.

High and mighty rules will sail right over simple minds. Fun sticks.

I'm still looking for ideas. Please feel free to comment with suggestions!