Way

"I'm asking everyone around me
How to live my life
I know the answers I keep hearing
But I listen close each time."

-- Rooney, "Help Me Find My Way," Calling the World

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At the end of season three of The Wire, McNulty trades the detective life for the beat cop life. He talks with old ladies sitting on stoops and laughs at kids who live on the block. The smile on his face is so shocking, because it's the first time you see him happy. He's been good at his job, but he's hated it. It was almost simply matter of finding out where he wanted to be, not what case he was working or how.

Earlier in the series, a woman at a community meeting says she misses knowing who the cops were, and having them know who she was. McNulty, it seems to me, makes amends.

I watched the end of this episode on Friday morning. Driving to work, the wheels started turning in my head. Am I where I want to be?

The answer is no. So then, where do I want to be? That is the question. The answer is, I'm moving back to Nebraska in September. I will be there for a time. For how long, and while doing what--this is on my mind now.

Maybe I'll start the Children's Theatre of Omaha someday.

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After lunch, I am meeting with an Orthodox priest. I scheduled this meeting for one o'clock so I could miss the Monday staff meeting. His name is Fr. Steven. I don't know what I want to ask him, but I do know I want to get to know him. Or I want him to know who I am.

It's a bit like buying a car. I don't need him to tell me that I need a car, or that one car in particular is the car for me. I think I already know what I want; I just need to know how to get it.

What I think I already know is: I want to become Orthodox.

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Talked with my dad last night. My Grandma's not doing well in Pennsylvania, and she will have to go into surgery soon. My family is planning to drive to see her, and I'm planning to come along. The only question is, when.

Whens abound. Friends want to meet on weekends this summer. The possibility of a camping trip in Kentucky. Going to visit Johnny and Ari in DC before they leave the country in July.

Schedules from all sources, GoogleMapped itineraries, money for gas. And it's because where you want to be is around friends and family. Location, location, location.

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This post kinda sucks. I've been blogging less often. I might be out of practice.

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Went to a tea party on Saturday to read a book and teach British tea manners to twenty eight-year-old girls in frills and white gloves. They betrayed their age despite the finery with chocolate smeared on cheeks. I had our costume designer make me an ascot for the occasion. As an actor instructing girls on how to float their hands and converse like dainty Englishwomen, I probably came across as a very gay man.

This is a very singular time in my life, in a very pluralistic kind of way.