Bottled

"I do the best imitation of myself."

-- Ben Folds

--

Tuesday was my sister's twentieth birthday.

That night, my workplace was robbed--while a rehearsal was going on, while a bunch of kids were singing and dancing downstairs. Robbed: three laptops (including mine), some financial documents from upstairs, my leather coat (with wallet and keys in the pockets), and my briefcase.

In the briefcase: library books, the laptop, my checkbook, my passport.

Life. It happened.

--

So I'm back to square one. I don't want to go into angsty specifics, but let's just say I've been very conscientious about speed limits for the last few days.

Until a very important piece of mail arrives, I am powerless even to obtain temporary papers for this hiatus, these absurd doldrums, in which I find myself stranded: a shipwreck survivor waiting for the message in a bottle to float in on the tide, unable to send one.

Having no form of photo ID, I feel like a no-man, a non-entity making my way through the public places of the world where people don't ask questions and don't care who you are. Sidewalks, parks, parking lots. I feel safe in my apartment, where I can brew tea and watch movies. I feel nervous leaving my car anywhere, knowing Someone has a key, has a keyless entry remote, could be cruising around with their thumb on the unlock button. Listening for that tell-tale honk. Watching for the tell-tale beacon.

Nothing like identity theft to make a person hate bureaucracy, too. My desk is covered with Post-It squares in a loose flow-chart, first This Form, then That One, before I can go to That Office and get This Card, and so on...

--

What's the point of paying for insurance that provides no assurance as well?

The insurance company is trying to weasel out of covering the personal items that were stolen. Including my ID cards. And the cost of basically everything.

I am an actor. I was at rehearsal. I was working, at my workplace. As such, I ought to be covered by my workplace's insurance. Yes?

Fuck that, apparently.

Fuck them, too.